What’s in a Number?

Number

A variance of the question Juliet asked on her balcony unknowingly to an eavesdropping Romeo.
The answer is simple: Everything.  That’s what’s in a number…

Anytime I apply for anything, and I do mean anything, I have to supply my SSN and my Drivers License number.  They’re so important…identifying pieces of information.  In fact, whenever you feel like shouting in frustration, “I’M MORE THAN JUST A NUMBER.” Stop.  Think.  Realize, you are indeed just a number.

No…today was not a bad day, and no…I am not ranting about being just a number.  I have come to accept it, and it’s not sad.  It relieving.  Names are common. Numbers are not.  Just because you’ve never met a Lindsey Fleeman before, or one other than me, doesn’t mean there aren’t others out there.  Cuz there are.  I’m very familiar with my “ay” counterpart…she’s an Arabic horseback ride from Texas.  Hey folks…it’s not stalking if you Google your own name!

All that to say: Today, one of the most important numbers that has come to identify me was compromised…the set of numbers attached to my money.  Don’t mess with my money.  The thing is, my bank account number represents all of me right now.  I know it sounds sad, but consider it.  By looking at my bank account, you can tell how good of a saver I am.  You can see how I spend my money, and thus my  time in life.   And currently, my bank account holds all of my life’s savings.  The money I plan to go to Italy with this year is in that account.  The money I’d by a computer with, and any number of things is within that account.

Let me let you in on a little secret: This situation stressed me and my whole family out! Because oh yeah, all of our accounts were compromised, and not just mine.  And when I found out, it was like I couldn’t do anything else until this problem was solved…sort of how I am.  I almost couldn’t breathe.  It was like a ton of bricks sat on my chest.  You see, I worry unnecessarily about things, and I am super impatient.  Not to juke the situation, but the only way I could calm down was to say: “Then God” over and over again to myself.

I’ll explain: I’m in a Beth Moore bible study on Esther.  And in one of the sessions, she talks about letting go of fears.  She asks us to play out our worst fears in our minds.  Think of the worst thing that could happen to you, and then play out what would happen next: If ______, then ______.  For instance: If I die of cancer, then I trust God to take care of my family no matter what.  That’s sort of an extreme, but you get the picture.

During the bible study, I felt I had a pretty good grasp on my biggest fears, least of which were (at the time) material things.  Ha.  I guess I think of myself as above worrying about petty things like money.  (Insert out of control laughter here.)

I think if I learned anything today, well besides the fact that I’m a collection of very important and unique numbers, it’s that I’m really attached to my money.  Who wouldn’t be?! But the truth is, if something were to happen, I need to come to the point where I say, “Then God.”  It’s not a time to breakdown and crumble because something hugely unexpected happened.  Don’t get me wrong, I would be devastated if I woke up tomorrow morning and my life savings was drained.  But it shouldn’t be soul crushing.  Because God provides.  Seek Him first, and watch Him work!

I know some of you are reading this thinking my panicking was perfectly acceptable.  And I believe it was as well.  But what I’m getting at here is that it helped reveal to me how far off I am from truly trusting God.  And what I also believe is that God wants me to trust Him more than I trust my bank or any financial institution.  That being said, I think my whole family, especially my boss of a mother, handled this situation the best way possible.  And even when I do trust God more, I don’t think I’ll panic less in a situation of this magnitude.  But it’s good to know that I can dwell on this phrase and be comforted:

Then God.  Then God.  Then God. 

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