25 Days of Memories, Day 13

*TMI POST WARNING: This post contains info that is not for the faint of heart. Proceed with caution. Post contains information of a decidedly odorous nature.*

If you know me, then I am without a doubt the most embarrassing person you know. It’s good for you, because you just laugh at me all the time and it’s no big deal. And in a way, it’s good for me too. Growing up as an embarrassing child, you learn to deal with it one of two ways. You either become overly sensitive about everything, OR you learn to laugh at yourself and the embarrassing situations in which you find yourself.  I chose the latter, and now have a remarkable ability to laugh at myself about just any little incident.

I told you that I recently went to Tally. Well, within 5 minutes of y arrival at my friend Amanda’s house, I clogged her guest toilet. Yes. It happened. I haven’t seen this girl for 6 years her first experience of grown-up Lindsey is that I poop in her toilet and it won’t go down. Tell me that’s not embarrassing. But that’s just a mild tale in the myriad of embarrassing stories regarding poop that I’ve collected over the years. One of the best stories I have I will save for my final day of memories. Trust me, you’ll want to read that!

One of the earliest embarrassing poop stories I have is from my daycare days. Before my sister was born, my brother and I attended a daycare. All around, it wasn’t the best experience ever (more on that in another post). Maybe it was the brutal kids, or the teachers, or it could have simply been the fact that I was a shy child and didn’t like to poop outside the house.  At any rate, I didn’t like to poop at daycare.  In fact, I mostly held everything in until I could get home in the afternoon. But one day, I couldn’t do it.

It’s crazy the things I remember, but when something this embarrassing happens to you, it’s sort of burned on your brain. I was wearing a lavender shirt with a darker purple jumper.

This is the outfit I was wearing when I straight up pooped my pants at daycare. I don’t think it was the first time, either. My mom had to be called to pick me up because I guess the teachers weren’t having it.

Then there was basically every summer at the camp I attended in Florida. Same storyline…I held it in until I couldn’t possibly hold it in any longer…though I did find I actually had to poop at camp.  A week of holding poop in is apparently not possible.  I never fully pooped my pants as a camper, but there were those times when I had to inexplicably stop playing tether ball with my opponent so I could squeeze the poop in. Yes folks, I know. TMI. I warned you.
This catches us up to my Senior year in high school, when on a band trip to Atlanta, I pooped in the toilet in the hotel room I was sharing with my best friend Amanda, and two girls I didn’t know all that well. So naturally, the toilet broke then too. Yes, it is a common occurrence. I have a penchant for breaking toilets.

After high school comes a slue of ridiculous stories from my missions trips to Malaysia, Jamaica and Kenya. Most notable being a story about a freshly dug squatty potty in Kenya. Ya know, the kind of bathroom that is literally just a hole in the ground covered with a wooden structure for privacy. Well, as stated, the hole was freshly dug. But whoever dug it, created it for a person with impeccable aim because it was a very small opening. All summer, I had some form of poop issue…be that diarrhea, or just a soft bow movement (again, TMI…I know…). Well, let’s just say that the poop I had in the squatty potty with the small hole was less than solid. And I missed. I MISSED!!!!!!!

Before I went to go to the bathroom on this particular occasion, I borrowed a travel size roll of Charmin toilet paper from my teammate, Andie. When I got it from her, it was a nearly full roll. When I gave it back to her after using the restroom, there was nothing left…not even the plastic container it came in. No, no. That was used as a scraping tool to clean up my mess. Aye, aye, aye. I’m telling you…I’m THE MOST EMBARRASSING PERSON EVER!

I have one more poop story to regale you with, but that will have to be an entire post in and of itself. So stay tuned!


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