I’m just tired…ya know?!

It’s hard to explain, exactly, but let me begin if I may.  I am weary–body, soul, mind, etc.  I imagine this is a common state for many Americans, but that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy life in this state, or that life should be lived in such a state.  I have no excuses for myself–at least none that do me any good.  At first it was packing for a move that did me in, then it was actually moving, then it was work, then it was unpacking, then it was keeping up with my social calendar.  3 weeks of living life on an empty tank have led me to a breaking point (an no, I don’t mean the movie).

Someone I respect and admire did a visual illustration for me once on this very subject.  He opened a new bottle of water before my eyes, then proceeded to pour out the contents into a bowl.  He handed me the bottle and asked me to pour him some water.  But of course I couldn’t…the bottle was empty.

You see, we weren’t meant to be as busy as we have become.  We weren’t meant to live these lives where we are bogged down by life’s demands–because all these demands are utterly emptying us.

Now don’t misunderstand.  Working hard is important.  But there is something to be said for the need for rest.  For the need to sit and be.  For the need of contemplation and reflection and quiet and margins.  Life lived unintentionally was killing me…is killing me and is killing my spirit. Life lived “perfectly” in my own strength is both killing me and simultaneously not working.  I simply cannot do all that I wish to on my own.

I call myself a Christian.  That’s supposed to mean something more than I believe it currently does in my life.  A Christian trying to live life separated from her Creator…a Christian trying to do things all on her own…a Christian trying to please everyone but her Maker—this is a Lukewarm Christian at best.  And we all know what happens to lukewarm Christians…(Revelation 3:16 –> yeah, kind of like this…).

I haven’t figured out how to have more time with God.  I haven’t figured out how not to live on my own strength.  I haven’t figured out how to not run life on empty or out of a constant state of stress.  But perhaps over the next few months and years (assuming I blog that long), I’ll show some progress in this area, writing about the things I will learn—the things God will reveal to me.

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