What my Heart doesn’t know

I’m just struggling–sitting here wrestling
It’s like the fight between God and Jacob
Only it’s not the New Testament
Are you sick of me and the empty words I’m giving
If you know my heart better than me-
Then the truth’s not hard to see.
I want you more than anything,
That’s what I tell myself anyway
If truth- then why do I seek men’s approval above Yours?
Why am I still carrying all these sores
The scars that won’t heal
Just sitting there reminding me I have yet to deal
With the heart of the matter:
That You aren’t the center
Of my thoughts, or my life or my relationships
That love’s not over pouring from my soul
That stress in my life will always rule
That I don’t see sin as sin
And holiness as the ultimate
That life with You is attainable
That I’m meant to live for more than comfortable.
But that which my mind knows, my heart seems to ignore.
Until the day my hope in You I store,
Know that my lips will always say I love You, but know this,
My heart doesn’t yet always mean it.

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